Dog Days

I have never loved animals. I’m just not a “pets” kind of guy. I don’t have any resentment towards them or any real problem with the other species, I just don’t have the desire to harbor one of them in my own home. Maybe it’s because the neighborhood dogs chased me around relentlessly when I was a child, maybe it’s because my younger brother thought it would be neat to toss a cat at my face when I was a kid and leave me with a permanent scar or perhaps it’s the horrible allergic reactions I get from them, but the verdict has been rendered. I have no need to own an animal of any kind.

Maybe I would be more interested if pets offered a little more utility. I just feel like I’m doing all the work and they get all the reward. I work to pay for their food, their treats, cleaning supplies and probably other investments [depending on which creature you connect with]. I also have to spend time with them, when to be completely honest, I don’t like spending time with a lot of the people I spend time with so why, pray tell, would I want to add someone else to my itinerary that offers me nothing in return.Buy me a dog that can hold my wallet for me or a parrot that can remember all the passwords I have on my computer and I’ll talk this subject over again. If Garfield wants to eat all the lasagna he needs to start doing his part in the kitchen.

Look at Brian Griffin, until dogs learn to act like him, drink like him, and fail college like him, I’m not interested in taking care of one. Sure some of them are downright adorable but if I’m really craving “adorable” then I have bigger problems than a dog or a cat can help me with. My sense of humor is too twisted and relies too much on sarcasm and irony for animals to amuse me really. At least not for a long time. My roommate Kyle and I went with our neighbor Jamie to the dogpark with her dog “Ruca” and we spent the entire time mocking other peoples pets and enjoying cheap laughs at the expense of other dog owners. It was nice to be outdoors don’t get me wrong but the peak moment was then Ruca went for the community doggie dish and I got a chance to make jokes about “doggie AIDS”. Yes, believe it or not I went there. I felt like the village outcast or that kid who forgot a pencil on the first day of class. I was pretty out of place.

I honestly just went to check it out because I’ve always heard that the dogpark is a great place to meet women. During the daytime it’s supposed to be where they congregate. While I have no interest in the dog world, beautiful woman are always something intriguing to me. The piece of the puzzle that I left out and realized would soon become a barrier is most of these women are here because they own a dog. My stance on dogs and pets really doesn’t make for a romantic launching point for a conversation point. But sometimes you have to roll the dice and explore things anyways. You never know how things will turn out.

Forget dogs, I don’t want a dog, I want something better. A Kangaroo, for example, is a pet with something to offer. He has a pouch that can hold my stuff in while we’re hanging out. I can take my Kangaroo to class and he can carry my books. We can go to the beach and he can always have a dry pair of clothes for me. If I’m feeling risky enough I can buy some boxing gloves and see if Looney Toones got it right.

Maybe my allergies are a blessing in disguise because I will never have to try to battle my distaste for pets. There is not enough Benadryl in the world to make me try that scenario again. My old cat “Bubsy” took at least five years off my life due to how often I was sick around him. But to everyone who owns an animal for fun, to cope with loneliness, to sit and judge them or whatever else you get a pet for, I applaud your perseverance. The first time something tears up something in my house, it gets a slap in the face, a kick in the ass and a potential criminal charge on their record. The fact that all the issues are rewarding to humans on some level is something I will never relate to and I will now go and dream a “pet-less” dream to try to cope with my condition. Pray for me.

The Good, The Bad, and the Dying

I’m not sure why but I get so personally offended when people try to recommend bad music to me. I actually don’t even like it when they ask my opinion on it either. One of two scenarios will unfold. I will either offend them by telling them details about why I dislike it, or they will get irritated that I dismiss their question. I think the easiest way to handle this issue is to explain why bad music irritates me so much. That way if anyone is really interested in my opinion after that, they will at least have a solid grasp on my point of view.

Music is the most passionate art form in existence. It’s raw elegant structure and enchanting  melody are the easiest way to connect to our core. Music moves us, music inspires us, music is the root of so much magic and beauty in the world. It’s something that everyone holds so dear and yet we are slowly destroying it.

I’m not talking about downloading music. Taking music off the internet, or “stealing”, as it is so incorrectly tabbed, is redefining the market for musicians but it isn’t the root of the problem. The real reason we have lost our ability to make good music is because no one cares enough to do anything about it. It has become such a struggle for money and the

The Golden Age

Television has been a staple in American life for over sixty years. The space shuttle, the elections, JFK’s assassination and everything in between, but let’s be honest. Television isn’t about the news, education or bettering yourself. TV is about entertainment and the silver screen continues to get bigger and bigger every year. It’s in its peak and there are so many good shows on now, a lot of which I’m sure you already watch but there are some gems out there that you’re missing and I’m here to remedy that.

Better Off Ted [ABC - Tues 9:30/8:30c]: A story about a man [obviously named Ted] who runs a branch of a research development firm. He struggles between dealing with his wacky co-workers, his dry and demanding boss, his romantic interest in the office and his daughter at home. This show is about to go into its second season and it is way far ahead of its time. In many ways it reminds me of Arrested Development. It has the same dry humor, the same character personalities and the same attitude. In fact it even features Portia De Rossi in one of the lead roles. Season 2 starts on december 9th but if you want to catch up in time, Hulu is streaming the entire first season until that date

Somewhere In The Middle

Why do we trust the opinion of other people we have never met? It’s completely reasonable to trust your mother, a dear friend of even the friend of a friend. Why though, do we trust public figures and celebrities we have never even seen in person?  Oprah is retiring soon and it leaves us with a gap, for some reason, and for the millions of lonely housewives and boring people who have to turn to a middle-aged TV host for book reviews, they will have to find another person to trust. Will it be Tyra Banks? We can all pray together that it won’t. Will Conan O’Brien fulfil his promise and step up to the podium? No it’s just a comedy sketch. Or will NBC go on a hunt for another “Oprah”. I vote we do none of the above.

Everyone needs to start just using their brains a little bit more and stop following the rants of Oprah or any other celebrity that they consider worthy. It’s sad how many people watch daytime talk shows for honest advice and support. Television is supposed to be an entertainment avenue and not some individual’s stranglehold on the American public. Do I have anything personally against Oprah? Of course not. I just can’t believe the amount of power and the vast riches she has collected over the years by hosting a TV show.

Tyra Banks can’t fill her shoes because unlike Oprah, she has no soul. Have you ever taken a minute to listen to her talk? No I mean really listen? absolutely nothing of value comes out. She is a supermodel who has no right trying to become another voice to the masses. All she ever does is laugh at herself and tell us how she invented “smizing” which is smiling

Deep Space Nine

Almost all of my friends will vouch for me when I say that I don’t think I’ll ever be satisfied. I have this urge buried deep inside me to always do whatever it takes to make my life better. Is that bad? Maybe, maybe not. I’ve quickly realized that it has its perks and its low points but it certainly keeps things interesting. I quit my job at Trudy’s today. I no longer have to deal with the lack of money I was making there while hating Mexican food and playing to their socialistic structure. That doesn’t mean all is well in la-la land. I’m now working the door at Friends downtown and doing promotions there. I’m dealing with an eight dollar an hour job to increase my odds of becoming a bartender on the central strip. While I enjoyed my first night on the job [even though I was standing outdoors in the pouring rain all night and I have no clue how I don't have pneumonia] I still haven’t increased my earnings and I’m still pretty poor. I can pay my bills, buy some food and enjoy my days off but I didn’t go to college to struggle. I have a few business ideas

The Way I Walk

I have a new opportunity on the horizon and probably have the chance to work downtown in a bar that constantly plays live music with my roommate. Some might call it destiny while others will blame it on luck but in any case it’s exciting.  It makes you think about what you’re doing with your life when you have a change in routine so maybe that’s what everyone else needs. Here’s some five pieces of music to facilitate some changes.

Audioslave: Set it off – The “supergroup” has come and gone but at least they left us with a handful of fantastic track before they left. This song should have been a single and I think it’s one of the best things they recorded [that and "Original Fire] I’d add both to your catalog now. Thank Tom Morello while you’re at it, because everything he touched with an [electric] guitar turns to pure gold.

Cage The Elephant: Ain’t No Rest For The Wicked - Ok, so most of their songs sound the same. That just means find the best one and roll with it. That’s exactly what these newcomers have done. I enjoyed their album but it does get a little repetitive at times.

Has It Come To This?

This is post for me to apologize. I’m sorry if my words and my messages have tricked you into believing that people are generally good and ethical. I’m not sure I conveyed this message at all but if I did I need to give my condolences to anyone who was hurt in the process. Some of you might be saying, “Joshua, why are you all of a sudden so down on humanity?” Well, I have an answer for you but be warned it’s not going to help you believe in our society much either.

I went to Bloomingdale High School in Valrico Florida, and luckily only for my senior year. I was informed when I arrived that it was the number one high school in America. That’s right all of America. Bloomingdale high school wasn’t winning my alliance with this honor though because they were number one for sexually transmitted diseases in a high

Obamanomics [Part I]

That’s the last straw. I no longer have any faith in the American media and I have very little remaining faith in the opinion of the public. President Obama bowed to another world figure and everyone is in an uproar. At first I assumed everyone was upset because he had poor timing or accidentally offended another country’s politician but no it’s far worse than that. Everyone is in an uproar because they see it as a sign of weakness to have our country’s president bow to another country’s leader because it’s a sign of weakness. Wow. Really, Wow. Have we all lost our minds and our perspective? We wonder why every other country hates us, why would ranking in the global spectrum in shrinking and why we are losing our domination over the world. It’s because of the exact opposite of what Obama did. It’s because we have no respect for others and we always assume we are the best, we always assume we’re the most powerful and all we really are is the most arrogant. Obama’s gesture was nothing other than a symbol of respect.

Californication

Without taking the time to have any pity for myself and without removing any of the responsibility, I think I’ve figured out why I have romantic entanglements with so many women and can’t take the time to stay in one relationship. I’m not going to use my words to set this up. Instead I’m going to start with a quote from the ending dialogue on last weeks episode of “Californication”. It’s a conversation between the main character Hank Moody and his daughter Becca. She has just discovered that her father is involved with almost every woman in his life and confronts him on his lifestyle.

“You need to tell me why you do the things you do when you know that people can get seriously hurt. [...] What do you want me to take away from this, from the way you treat women? Is that all they are to you, walking vaginas?”

“There is no excuse for my behavior. There is no defense if somebody got hurt, especially you. But I need you to know that I started out with the greatest of intentions. I guess I wanted them to all see it. The thing that makes them special. I guess that’s all anybody wants. To been seen to be recognized. Then the lines get blurry, and the fact that your mom and I are in such a weird place. Yeah, hence the big stinking mess. But I’m sorry if I let you down sweety.”

Be Grateful I’m Here

My body is reject everything near it and I can’t shake anything off but the one thing it still loves is music so here’s a little remedy consisting of mostly melody. I even threw in six today just because I was feeling cheery.

Estelle: Wait A Minute (Just A Touch) – Such a beautiful blend of modern hip-hop and easy listening – not to mention Estelle’s voice is like smooth molasses. It’s a great song with a fantastic beat. I don’t like a lot of female singers but she is an exception.

At The Drive-In: Cosmonaut – Absolutely brutal song. Out of this band’s ashes came Mars Volta and Sparta but before those creative giants At The Drive in did a marvelous job of merging progressive rock and hardcore music. If you haven’t been introduced to this group before – you’re welcome.