Love Actually

How many times during your life have you allowed golden opportunities to slip right through your fingertips? Does it feel like the moments when you were starting to gain some momentum suddenly crashed into an epic failure? Maybe the last time you had it right and really felt as if you were the one in control, things suddenly took a turn for the worse and you wound up abandoned and in despair. Does that mean, with a couple simple setbacks, you’ve lost the ability to get behind the wheel and steer yourself back into the right direction? I shouldn’t even have to answer because these questions should be rhetorical. If your parents gave you the impression that this journey was a cake walk then I’m sorry to once again be the bearer of bad news.  This is a bumpy ride and it gets worse. If the things you are dealing with don’t involve life threatening medical conditions, a criminal conviction or cause the impending apocalypse then there will be higher ground. We all have to work at it, suffer through the struggle and climb the mountain, if not for the thrill of the adventure, then for the moment of success. It’s going to take an extremely long time for some of us and others may not see it during their time on Earth but the important thing is never to dissolve hope, don’t cast faith aside, never compromise yourself and take the lessons and experiences of your past and build a better version of yourself out of their ashes.

Maybe you’re having a difficult time watching someone you once loved move on to someone new. Maybe it’s your fault they left in the first place and now that they’re gone you don’t understand what crossed your mind in the first place. Or perhaps it’s a love you never gotten to yourself, but merely a flame that burned close by. We all want to experience things that are new and sometimes it’s hard to cope with missing past opportunities. Maybe the love of your life grew up away from you and you’ll always wonder what could have been if only the stars had aligned in a different order. Maybe you’re scared that without that person by your side you’ll never find true love or get the chance to experience what that really feels like. The only advice I can give was handed down to me from my mother. “Everything happens for a reason.” The people we have fallen for, the people who have warmed our hearts and souls are important figures in our life story but not everyone is a permanent fixture. Some of them come and go and it’s important to take it for what it is. Losses can be difficult to cope with so it’s important to look at it as much more than a loss. Think about it, the experiences we have with the people we love are what develop our character, evolve our personalities and brighten our souls. Young dating experiences are so much more than trial runs and I think that’s why we’re all become so tied up in the heartbreak and the sorrow over lost companionship.  We have lost the ability to put everything into perspective. Instead of thinking of those lost loves as previous lovers or ex-girlfriends perhaps we need to look at them as new accomplices in the journey and while we have chosen to go in separate directions, and at least the next part of our paths have become a little clearer.We don’t have to set ablaze every bride we cross.

It’s difficult I know, I’ve been there myself too. I’ve had my heart-broken, trust shattered, my light bulb inside has been crushed like cockroach. It doesn’t mean I would take any of it back though because I know that I wouldn’t be half the man I am today if it wasn’t for all the wonderful and gorgeous women who have helped me realize my potential. No matter how little or how much time I have spent with any one woman is totally irrelevant. You can’t measure the importance of a human connection. One of the most important women in my life, someone who has effected me to a level that is incomparable, is a romance that has never even bloomed. We have never dated, never kissed, never really enjoyed a lot of each other’s company but still the sheer thought of this woman makes me realize that love isn’t just a game, love isn’t a mere illusion and love can’t be rationalized.

In fact, even with all my economic studies and analytical training, I still believe that love is the only thing that is completely irrational. The things we are will to do to ourselves, our bodies, our minds and our souls – the torment, the mystery, the stress, the pain and the suffering are not something we would go through for anything, and I mean anything, other than for true love, or at least the potential of attaining love. We have all jumped through hoops and crawled through tiny spaces to capture the hearts of the people who infatuate us and while most of us have not found or perhaps even experienced true love – it’s out there and it has to be hundreds of times more enthralling that I can imagine. If the women who have dealt with me and the women I have dealt with in return can inspire me to put these words together then I can’t being to dream of the creativity the girl of my dreams will ignite.

Sometimes even I feel like dream is the only appropriate word, and think my life is going to be filled with half-loves and beautiful women I can’t completely connect to. I think sometimes that too many women have taken a part of me that if I ever do find “the one” that I’ll be torn in so many directions that I’ll have nothing left to offer. But I hope that’s not the case. I want to dream that I can handle all this, and I can have undying love for all the women I’ve gotten a chance to know over the years and still be able to control my heart enough to give it all to one person someday. The important thing to remember though is I’m not telling everyone reading this to go whore themselves out or to justify past acts. I’m trying to say that I’ve learned myself, through battles of my own, that no matter to what degree you choose to love someone, you should give it to just them. Make your expectations and boundaries or your relationships clear and well established and don’t make the same mistakes that I did and throw away a good thing for no reason. Let everything run its own course and focus your attention on other battles. To take a little more advice from the one woman who will always have the biggest piece of my heart, my mother. “If it’s meant to be it’s meant to be.”

If you can learn to love yourself first and develop the other relationships out of that passion for your own individuality, then you’ll be able to find a real connection. Everything you need to foster a relationship comes from inside yourself and if you can’t be proud of what dwells on the interior than no one will be able to feel compassion for the exterior. Bonding with another individual is the easy part, sex is even easier, but a real honest relationship is a challenge because we look to others to define our character instead of figuring that our first and we compromise our values to feel wanted by dating someone who isn’t in line with what we’re looking for. Don’t dwell on your past as errors or acts of poor judgement and instead thrive off them. Use your mistakes as a guiding light to greener pastures. Maybe you’ll find the connection of a lifetime and maybe you won’t. But if you heed my advice and get a grasp of your expectations, learn to live off your own personality and stop drowning in your own excuses, there’s a chance the girl [or guy] or your dreams will become a reality before you know it.


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