Californication

Without taking the time to have any pity for myself and without removing any of the responsibility, I think I’ve figured out why I have romantic entanglements with so many women and can’t take the time to stay in one relationship. I’m not going to use my words to set this up. Instead I’m going to start with a quote from the ending dialogue on last weeks episode of “Californication”. It’s a conversation between the main character Hank Moody and his daughter Becca. She has just discovered that her father is involved with almost every woman in his life and confronts him on his lifestyle.

“You need to tell me why you do the things you do when you know that people can get seriously hurt. […] What do you want me to take away from this, from the way you treat women? Is that all they are to you, walking vaginas?”

“There is no excuse for my behavior. There is no defense if somebody got hurt, especially you. But I need you to know that I started out with the greatest of intentions. I guess I wanted them to all see it. The thing that makes them special. I guess that’s all anybody wants. To been seen to be recognized. Then the lines get blurry, and the fact that your mom and I are in such a weird place. Yeah, hence the big stinking mess. But I’m sorry if I let you down sweety.”

I didn’t want to get right into my post without mentioning this quote because I don’t want anyone to think that I glorify womanizing, and in fact I don’t want anyone to think that’s what I’m talking about in the first place. I want to talk about people like me who just get carried away trying to make people understand how unique and truly special they are. I know I, like so many others, have gotten carried away and perhaps lost track of the goal they set out for, but that doesn’t mean we didn’t have good intentions. Yeah, I know the road to hell is paved with them but that doesn’t mean having good intentions sets you up for failure. All it does is make you vulnerable to defeat and susceptible to injury. Having good intentions allows others to trample over you but i think it’s that selflessness that makes me ok with the choices I’ve made.

Objectifying women, setting out on a conquest for sex and anything else manipulative for one’s own pleasure is despicable, but ladies, believe it or not, that’s not most of our goals. I can’t actually attest for every man out there but I know that my personal journey has left several girls hurt by my actions and several more disappointed in me and those special few who fit into both categories. Like Hank Moody says “there is no excuse for my behavior. There is no defense if somebody got hurt.” I just hate so see so many women underachieving and settling for the things they already have in their hands instead of risking a little for true happiness. For some reason when I get involved with someone I take it upon myself to fuel the ambition of others.

So to the men out there: if you are one of the people who are seducing women just to get a night in the sack with them, be aware that you are the most despicable of humans and a plague. Your relationships don’t have to be relationships in the traditional sense, but don’t compromise other people’s integrity and values for your own benefit. Love the people who love you and make conscious efforts to improve each other’s lives. You can make your own evaluations about monogamy and you can choose your own ethics. Don’t confuse intimacy with anything else. Embrace it for what it is and use every chance you get with a woman to gain perspective on life and connect with another human being. Don’t degrade them, don’t humiliate them, and don’t hurt them. Enjoy their company, embrace their preciousness and remind them how special their lives really are. You might have to make a huge lifestyle change or just change your mindset. It will still be incredibly enlightening and well worth the effort [even though this really shouldn’t be that difficult of a task]

The the women: Don’t let the men who have hurt you in the past dictate how you handle future relationships. Just seek out the men who make you feel alive and understand you. Embrace your own character and spend time with other people who embrace you for who you are. It might last a day, it might last a month it might last an hour but just enjoy life and love for what they are and let the rest work itself out. Stop worrying about the politics of a relationship and instead just live the life you love and love the life you live.

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